About D00018- “Welcome to Intro Lab, Section Hell"

People credits: Christine Fisher.

The original writing for the blackboard:

This= Intro Bio Lab.  You= Student. 

I.          I am Julie, the Hand of God and Awarder of Points in this lab.  Thou shalt not place lame excuses before me. 

II.        Honor the start and stop times of class, as well as assignment deadlines and my posted office hours.  Be prepared for lab, lest thou expose thyself to mutagens through thy ignorance. 

III.      Inform me prior to planned absences.  Excused absences include paperwork (ie a towing receipt).  Notes from your roommate about a TV marathon will not be accepted.

IV.        Thou shalt not cheat, “be cute” with equipment, wear sandals/rollerblades/midriff-baring tops in wetlab, or attempt to get me to write your reports for you by camping my office and looking blankly at me.  These actions are an abomination to my eyes.  Also, whining for points without a logical defense of your original answer annoys me.  Don’t start.

V.         Thou shalt use proper English in all communications.  Spell-check and Grammar-check software were invented for a reason.  Don’t plagiarize; I can tell and I will fail you for it.  You get one warning.

VI.       Due to a flaw in my character (or possibly bad karma) I actually want you to learn in this lab.  Ask me questions when you don’t understand.  If you can’t make my office hours, make an appointment and keep it. 

VII.     Covet not thy neighbor’s grade, nor copy his answers.  This is an abomination unto me, and can result in your being kicked out of college.

VIII.   Above all, your grade shall be the result of your intelligence and effort.  I wish all of you the best fortune in the coming semester, but that’s primarily up to each of you. 

Here we go! -Julie.